Heavy Rain
You know, I’m probably one of 10 people who actually liked the developer’s previous game, Indigo Prophecy. For the first act, it was an awesome little murder mystery/mind-fuck, coupled with great characters and intriguing game mechanics.
I still liked it with the revelation that a hooded, superhuman serial killer was possessing Average Joes and forcing them to commit ritualized murders to please monstrous, Lovecraftian gods and in order to fulfill an ancient prophecy. Sure, I was wondering what happened to the frightening, ground in reality first act had gone, and I was by now floundering, trying to comprehend the plot, but it was still cool.
Hell, even the elaborately staged fights between said hooded killer and the poor schmuck who’s been forced into all this were pretty cool, even if they were unabashedly ripping off The Matrix.
Then came the bombshell. See, the kindly old woman who’s been helping you was actually murdered some time ago, and in her place is a psychopathic AI construct with plans of world conquest. That can fly around, shape-shift, and shoot laser beams. Oh, and it also hates the Lovecraftian god worshiper and tries to kill him. All of this leading to an inexplicable three-way battle in a military warehouse.
Despite the complete derailment of anything resembling narrative structure, and cohesive, easy to follow plots, I still quite enjoyed it. I had no idea what in the hell was happening by the explosive, kung-fu light show that was the climax, but I still had fun.
When word came that the developer was working on a new crime thriller entitled Heavy Rain, which promised to ditch its predecessor’s bizarre sci-fi tone, I was ecstatic. The story, which centers around four people from different walks of life coming together to track down a serial killer following the abduction of a child, sounded gripping. Even better was the hopelessly downbeat tone to it all; a world where there is only darkness, every character you play as is profoundly damaged, and a killer who may be closer than anyone thinks had me foaming at the mouth.
The catch? FUCKING PS3 EXCLUSIVE. *kicks cat across the room*
Simply put, not fair. To be teased with Indigo Prophecy, only to be denied having access to a game that critics are already hailing as a monumental achievment, and one that may change the way we look at games forever is…is… I can’t even finish. I’ll just have a good, long cry and gorge on some ice-cream.
On the plus side, we have L.A. Noir coming out in a few months. Hopefully that will wash the salty taste of disappointment from my mouth.
Quick thoughts: Legion
Humanity’s salvation rests on the supremely small shoulders of a waitress’s unborn son. Why? Dunno. Why did Dennis Quaid give birth to a son with a honking Southern accent, and add insult to injury by naming him Jeep? Dunno. Why did God decide that the best way to wipe out this insignificant, selfish waitress was to send a horde of the least effective quasi-zombies in the history of cinema to take her out? Dunno. This is just the tip of the unanswerable-questions-iceberg
The angels, as they gnaw, slash, burn, bludgeon, and shoot their way through the human cast display a level of cruelty and sadism that must have Beelzebub growing green with envy. When you have a God who’s such a psychopathic douche bag who has no qualms about killing innocent people in the most horrifying, painful ways imaginable, who needs a Hell?
When one actually stops to think about what they’re seeing unfold on screen, they’ll realize that nothing makes a lick of sense. Nothing. At. All. the whole thing just falls apart like a house of cards if you apply just a grain of rational thought, which the screenwriters never seemed to have done.
Boring, mindless garbage.
Quick Thoughts: Wolfman
Not as bad as everyone’s been saying, but FAR from the great film it could, nay, should have been. Performances are decent all around, with the exception of Abberline as portrayed by Hugo Weaving. Great performance, wanted more of him. The monster design is fantastic, and the cinematography is nothing short of timeless, but it never really captures the mood of the old Hammer horror films. The director obviously wants to show us the monster as soon as possible, at the expense of character development and narrative.
Standout sequences include the attack on the gypsy camp, Talbot’s first transformation and subsequent killing spree, and the rampage in London (oddly enough, not the climax)
Oh, and did we really need a remake of the godawful werewolf-on-werewolf slug-fest from Wolf?
6.5 out of 10
I have something to say, and that’s that Valentines Day is my favorite holiday. Yes, yes it is. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that girly?
You Valentines Day bitchers get on my LAST NERVE, that’s what all i’ll tell you all! I’ll tell you all!
What’s with this “we should love our partners every day” bullshit. Well NO SHIT, dude. Ya, we should! And we do! But Valentines Day is an opportunity to devote your entire day to your partner. We can’t do that every day. We’ve got school, jobs, parents, friends, pets, children… Other things take up our time. But here we’re given this day, this Valentines Day, to set all that other stuff aside and hover over our significant others until they just can’t stand us anymore. And you’re telling me you hate that?!
And secondly. Don’t sit here and tell me corporations have ~ruined it~ puhleease. Don’t blame the world for the fact that you haven’t been able to have a good time on Valentines Day. You don’t HAVE to give/receive gifts if you don’t want to. You can sit around screwing and watching movies. Make it your own, dude.
And third, nobody cares if your single, seriously. I’m single and you don’t see me whining and crying about it. Pft! Valentines Day is probably the best opportunity for single people who don’t want to be single. Chances are that anybody you see walking around town, who isn’t hanging on the arm of somebody else, is probably available to receive your flirtations. And don’t tell me you’re too scared to walk up and talk to a hot guy or gal, and then come whine to me about being single and hating Valentines Day. Yeah, you ain’t steppin’ on this girls rosey toes on her favorite day. Go call your mom.
In conclusion, VALENTINES DAY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. If you whine and bitch, then you’re gonna have a whiney bitchy Valentines Day (and probably no Valentine either!). So go out, find a partner, give ‘em a flower, and top it off with some good from-the-depths-of-your-heart 30 minute oral sex.
Happy Holidays!
Love,
Rem
hahaha I am glad I’m taking you out on valentine’s, you’re so enthusiastic
Technically I’m taking you out, so put on your sunday dress, Waldo
If there can be a day for celebrating couples, there should be another holiday commemorating us bachelors. I demand a Singles Awareness Day (Ignore that the acronym of it is SAD)
